something is far away from my life

一個人一輩子可以有幾次煩悶幾次憤怒，我不知道。

我只知道對同樣的人發同樣的脾氣也就代表兩個人其實快到盡頭。

當你無法容忍一個人的時候，就連他與你存在同一空間都會引起反感。

不管是哪位祖先遺傳給我的好脾氣，我都只能說我快到底限中的極限，
再忍下去我會無意識拿榔頭打爆他的頭。

討厭對人抱怨的自己，討厭無法和顏悅色的自己，討厭無法從容不迫的自己。

更討厭讓我生氣的傢伙。

只會抱怨抱怨抱怨，只會要求要求要求，老是說別人不好卻不會反省自己，這種人霹靂無敵討厭。

為什麼他要回來，我想要一個人溜噠的日子，我想要清閒無雜音的日子，

想要可以盡情做自己的日子。

不想要生氣不想要抱怨不想要滿肚子委屈無處發洩。

只剩下一年半只剩下一年多一點，之後要實習希望不要碰面希望不要同一組~

...I can say nothing

What thing I can say?
Nothing!

You never know what I think and how I feel.
You just think about yourself and your "the person".

神經病的我想挑戰英文抱怨文還是太嫩,所以換回中文啦= =

我不知道該說什麼......

但是又很想罵人.........

本姑娘是佛心來的,但不是沒有上限的好嗎!?

每天買早餐午餐,我可以"順便"
但請不要當我的好心是"隨便"

最近真的很累......

我已經不想管你了,你想杞人憂天到天荒地老也不甘我的事...
你以為說我是聖人我就會是聖人.....可笑!!
我很累了但你一直忽略...
不說是我的錯但是我表現的很明顯好嗎......

早上叫你起來被你罵,是怎樣我好心叫你被當狗吠,遲到是你家的事
我有什麼義務要叫你!?
煩死了,為了一個不值得的人哭哭啼啼...
就說不要管她,她最後還是會自己回來(靠 結果真的回來了)
你笑嘻嘻的說你心情很好,我當然知道=A=
看你的視窗就一目了然...我只能冷淡的說嗯...不然我還能說什麼.
你期待我什麼?
期待我會因為她回來讓你高興就接納她?
我也有原則的好嗎...

老是說謝謝你對不起什麼的,我還寧可你多想一點在行動...
每次都事後說些什麼空泛的話,我能怎樣?
是我活該當好人被你用?
哎..老說我是木頭,其實你根本懶的了解我...
偶一為之的激動不過是發洩一下...
說什麼被嚇到...我就不能生氣嗎...

看到你被她傷還依舊貼上去...我只能說人性本賤.
既然你決定在她身邊就請你不要在哭了...
你自己的決定請自己承擔...
不要哭的要死需要我安慰...我可不是生命線什麼的
你想去跳還是怎樣都請便...
我也沒力氣心思去阻止你...
我被你搞的考試也沒考好書沒念好我已經沒多餘心力去理你

我是冷情
但那是因為我的底限已到
我畢竟是人
多少會自私
你老說要請我
但我不需要
我只希望你想想
你該改進什麼

認識你以後......
我嘆氣的次數上升不少...
爸爸媽媽說我好像不快樂...
我是不快樂...但我會強顏歡笑...
因為我們還有兩年半...

在畢業以前,我會繼續笑著然後默默流淚.

驚愕的早晨

=皿= 今天被鬧鐘六點半吵醒,整個是愛睏=_=
渾渾噩噩在床上待到七點,被室友A乒乒乓乓的聲音吵醒=___=
想說好吧,反正要唸書,就下床梳洗.

結果...=口=!!!!!


以下是問卷式內容...


Q1 大清早七點起來,卻發現室友中最要好的那一個一夜未歸,你的第一個反應是?

a 咦!!人咧?
b 她好早出門...
c 哼哼哼哼~好樣的=皿=


Q2 梳洗完,你想還是去找找好了,便跑去她可能會在的地方,結果她竟然不在O口O!! 你的反應?

a 媽媽呀~人呢?
b ...她去睡別人房間吧...
c XX的,跑哪去了!?混蛋!!


Q3 回到房間,左思右想還是不妥,想說聯絡一下比較好但又不希望吵到她,便打起簡訊,你的內容會是...?

a 你跑哪去了?Q口Q!!
b 記得回來喲!
c X的,給我死回來=皿=!


Q4 打完簡訊也發出不久,正當你想做自己的事轉移注意,一個很熟悉的聲音從後面響起,回頭一看,是未歸室友的手機鬧鐘,你的反應是?

a ...對喔,她沒帶手機(驚)
b 糟糕,我的簡訊錢..O口O
c XXXX!這女人! 火皿火


Q5 為了安寧著想,你前去把手機鬧鐘關掉,也看到了自己寄的簡訊,你會做什麼動作?
a 好丟臉,把它刪掉=////=
b 算了,隨便啦(嘆氣)
c ...刪了.= =


Q6 經歷過以上,你現在的心境是?

a 唉...算了,等她自己回來ˊ__ˋ(嘆氣).......(逆來順受)
b 反正沒我的事了@@................................(自我主義)
c 就不要給我回來!!小心我打爆妳!!+皿+......(火氣旺盛)


其實三個都是正解(嘆氣) 不過表面上是a路線,內心是bc參雜= =
就某方面來說,她要去幹麻的確跟我沒關係,但基於朋友立場我還是會擔心(嘆氣)
會生氣是因為就算不回來,好歹也給我封簡訊心安一下,就算沒帶也可以跟人家借或是在門口貼個小紙條告訴我一聲獲是借個電腦在MSN留言什麼的也可以,什麼都沒有留是想考驗我的耐性還是覺得我不會擔心ˊ__ˋ


打完長長一篇日記,我也累了...

也罷,就這樣吧... 我去當個冷血的無口女算了= =


很無聊的隨想


我的心境是孤獨的旅人...
不需要港灣,因為能停泊的只有自己心深處...
不需要武器,因為我有厚重的城牆包圍內心...
哪一天有了港灣,就是痛苦甜蜜參半...
哪一天有人將城牆敲碎,就是我往死亡踏出第一步...
我是脆弱的青鳥,帶給人一點幸福,卻需將自己囚籠...
看著青空,我想...
之所以一直不踏出牢籠,是因為怕受傷害...
之所以站在遠方遙望,是我最後的掙扎...
所以請你不要...拿起槌子敲下...

我的心將毀滅...

Anxiety and alone

I don't know what I need to do.

Recently, I couldn't find my target in life. I spent most of time by myself and I didn't feel bad or sad. I leave the people so far that I couldn't go through and close to them.

I am a lonely bird,
no one can tough my heart,
if someone want,
I can give me to you.

Like a stone on the middle of road,
I would be forget in their memory.
How I can do?
How I can wish?
How I can want?

I am a lonely bird on the tree without any leaves.
I can sing a song to somebody,
but no one want to hear and no one want to see,
I am a lonely bird.

"Diary" Raining day...

After the hot weather, it became raining heavily. It was an unhappy thing like the hot day. I had heard someone said the rain would continue to next Tuesday, it was a bad thing to me. Because I didn't bring any sandals to school, it mean my shoes and my foot maybe be wet and uncomfortable. I hoped the news would be fault this time, because I hope the rain could stop as soon as possible. And on Wednesday I found there was a leak on my sneaker. It was "An evil chance seldom comes alone.", the only thing I could do was calling to my father to ask him whether I have another sneaker in home or not. It was luck that there were a couple of sneaker in my home.

Because of raining all day, sometimes I felt anxious. Maybe it because the final examination would come very soon. = = Ah, the life is made people could not evade the reality.

"Diary" The summer ...

When the time passed from May to June, the weather would become more and more hot. In the dormitory, it was hot and windless. If I opened the window to ventilate, there would be many insect flying into our room. It was a big trouble, because I hated them. Also the hot weather would make some people easy to be anger or lazy. Such as me, I had no power recently.

Many times I woke up because the sun shone strightly on my face. This thing bright one advantage and one disadvantage that I would not be late for class, but would wake up too early. I usually wake up at six o'clock and at the time I didn't have enough sleeping time. It makes me to face a difficult choice whether I sleep again or wake up early or not. = =

"Diary" The family meeting

Last weekend was the annual meeting to my family. In this day, no matter how far people lived should come back. Every year we take this meeting nearly Mother's Day and Father's Day, of course, to celebrate those festival. We took this meeting place in a restaurant which has buffet could let people to take food by self. Because my parents rarely take my brother and me to a restaurant, we always eat too much in this meeting to enjoy the feeling. But sometimes we ate too much that made us feel very bad. It was the "As one makes one's bed so one must lie on it."

This year had one another thing to celebrate, it was my cousin could enter the college. \(^ˇ^)/ Because of his poor Chinese, we were worry about him, it was a happy thing that we all feel luck to him.(Because he was the thirty-third candidate.)

"Thought" If only

When we love someone, we should express our love as we only had one day to love.

The movie I first saw was on the meeting of the faculty. In the beginning, I did not think too much, I just thought it was a love story. And then, it really was a love story, but the movie had another thing I could learn. When we love someone, we should love her/him as we only had one day to love her/him. It was very difficult that because we always think we have much time to company and say love to her/him. But in fact, the truth was very cruel that we may lose in accident. From the movie, I learned to make more serious when I was alive. Maybe my life was short, but I didn’t leave any regret. I thought the chief actor in this movie felt happy, although the survivor (the chief actress) would be pain and sad.

In fact, when the actress sang the last song, I was crying because of sadness. I know it to be reasonable the movie was a tragedy, but I couldn’t help stopping crying. My roommate said I was a susceptible person. I know this thing have a long time, however, I am very easy to cry. = =

"Diary" Mother's day

Although today was Mother's day, but my family celebrated the festival yesterday. You ask me why? Because my mother had other program today. I have complained the thing for five years, when things come to today,I couldn't say any word about it. After all, I was numb about it.

Returning to the article, my father and I subscribed a cake last Sunday. It was a eight inches cake, because my family couldn't eat too high calorie food, so my father choosed raspberry and mulberry. I teasted it not bad, but my mother still thought it too sweet. I didn't give my mother a card, because I didn't know what thing I could write to her. Maybe my mother knew what I think so she didn't ask me write a card to her. Sometimes I felt iniquity, but every time when she went to Hong-Kong alone, the iniquity almost disappeared. Because every time she went out, my father would be alone in home. My father need to work to support my family, if my mother went out the encumbrance arised.

After all, my family's celebration took place for my grandmother, at least, I consider it to be true.

"=_=" Ah, terrible feeling...

I know I should study hard when I am a student. Like much people I stay in a lazy condition after the middle examination of Anatomy, but the middle examination of Physic would come next Wednesday. Maybe I need to take a vacation to store the power which could motivate me to study much harder. I found that I often complain myself about lack of motivation. I am really a awful person, I couldn't make sure if I want to change I am full of remorse.

Ah, sometimes I think I am open-minded, sometimes I feel anxiety about many things. In the final analysis, what kind person I am, I think I was a person who hard to get along with. Because I always feel alone, not only in the people, but also getting along with friends. Did I open my mind when I chat with them? I think answer is "Yes.", but why ? Maybe that because I am not their best friend, getting rid of me, it nothing change in their life. Every time when I looking forward to the sky, I often think if I suddenly disappear, if anyone will be sad or happy...

Ah, thinking too much can not change anything, I should do is going to study now, as for the meaning of my life, let it sleep in the deepest and darkest place.